Mason PottyMouth
by Reina del boligrafo
Summary: This is how I first arrived in the Kaiba mansion. Co-written by Aisling Kaiba herself.
1. Default Chapter

Mason PottyMouth Author: Bluefire (AKA Miss Blue Blaze AKA ME! ^_________^) Summary: This is how I first arrived in the Kaiba mansion. Co-written by Aisling Kaiba herself. Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Never have, never will. ::sobs:: So don't sue, ok? You won't get anything of value anyway. Aisling belongs to herself and I belong to me, damnit! And MTV owns Jackass, but I was inspired by a talk show on the radio with a title. Pairings: Aisling/Ryou (cute, no?)  
  
Me/Yami ^___^ (Aisling Kaiba, you say one word and I swear to Dios that I'll kick your ass)  
  
And now, without further ado, on with the show!!!  
"Is your friend coming?" Seto Kaiba asked his long-lost sister, Aisling. "She'll be here." Aisling replied "Is she nice?" Mokuba Kaiba asked. "Depends on if she likes the person. But she did say that you're adorable, Mokuba. So, she might bring you something nice from America." "She's American?"  
  
Bluefire looked at the traffic and cursed in Spanish (AN: Read my damn profile. But I know very little). As she took out a cell phone, a cat in a pink cat carrier in the passengar seat of the dark blue corvette yowled. "Don't worry, Rita baby. We should be out of there soon enough. And  
  
no, we're not going to the vet." She dialed a phone number. In minutes, Aisling answered. "Yeah, Aisling. Sorry. I'll be a little late.  
  
Traffic's murder. I'll get there as soon as I can. I'll see you later. Tell  
  
yor brothers I said hi and I'm bringing my dog and my cat. Okay. That's a suprise. Buh-bye." Bluefire sighed and settled into the black leather seat.  
  
"Damn traffic." The cars finally moved. "Finally." Bluefire then got to an exit and turned. A big, black dog had his head out the window, his black spotted, otherwise pink tongue, was out the window. "We'll be there shortly, guys." Bluefire said to the cat and the dog. 


	2. The Arrival

As soon as she reached the mansion, she parked in front of a different house that was two blocks away. She got out of the car, grabbing the cat carrier in one hand and the dog's leash in the other and she walked away, locking the car.  
  
Seto paced back and forth. "Stop it, Seto." Aisling spoke up. "You're driving me insane." "Sorry, but the American's not here yet." The doorbell rang. "I'll get it!" Ryou exclaimed and opened the door. There, in the doorway, stood Bluefire. She had golden-tan skin, wavy, shoulder-length dark brown hair, chocolate brown eyes and was slender and tall, about a head shorter than Seto. She was wearing a dark denim mini skirt, dark denim knee-high boots, a matching dark denim jacket and a red tank top. Around her neck, there was a silver necklace with a small silver heart alone. Her earrings were large, silver hoops. Her nail polish was red and on her fingers was a very beautiful gold ring with several diamonds that surrounded a centerstone that was currently purple and a silver class ring with a light blue gemstone in the other. In her hands, she held the big, black dog's leash in one hand and the pink cat carrier in the other. "Sorry I'm late," She said, holding the leash, "But traffic was murder." "That's all right." Yami told her. "At least you're safe." Yugi added. "You guys are sweet." Bluefire replied, before she said,  
  
putting down the cat carrier. "Somebody let the cat out in my room." "You have a cat in there?" Mokuba asked. "Yeah, but she's not exactly a sociable creature, so if she runs away, don't get too offended, kiddo. I'd better get the other stuff." 


	3. Getting Aquainted

Bluefire let the dog in the mansion. The dog had black fur, with orange on his paws like boots. Around his wedge-shaped head, there was a black and orange mane. His eyes were copper and his fur was thick and bushy. His ears  
  
were high and pointy. Under his eyes were two copper markings that stopped away from his muzzle. The dog panted, showing his black-spotted, otherwise pink tongue. He ran around, still with the leash, and proceeded to sniff at everyone. As he sniffed Yami, though, he knocked Yugi on his butt with his tail. "Sorry about that." Bluefire said, trying not to laugh as she helped the much smaller boy up. "He usually doesn't knock people over. Usually, it's vases or stuff like that that he knocks over with his tail. Hasn't broken anything, though." Grizzily continued to sniff at people while Bluefire and Yami walked out to  
  
her car to get her things. He seemed to like Mai's perfume, much to Joey's chagrin. He yelled at Grizzily, but the dog tried to eat Joey's shirt. He yelled and tried to run away from the persistant dog as the household laughed. Finally, he tasted the shirt before giving up. The Ishtars approached next. He sniffed Isis, panted and tried to use her dress as a napkin, but she moved away. He ran up to Malik and pushed him to the ground, before bowing in an 'I want to play' pose. "The dog likes you." Isis stated  
  
the obvious. "No kidding, sister." Malik replied as he tackled the dog. "NOT IN HERE!" Seto yelled. Grizzily perked up and tried to use Seto's pants as a napkin. "Hey, stop that." The dog finally succeeded at his goal and left Seto alone, sniffing Yugi as if to say "I'm sorry, small human." "Wait." Aisling said, looking around. "Where's Mokuba?" As Bluefire and Yami came in, each one holding a briefcase, Bluefire said "I think I know." "Really?" "Yeah." Bluefire nodded. "Did you notice how excited Mokuba got when I said I brought my cat?" "Yeah." "My guess is that he did let her out  
  
in my room, but then let the cat out to play with her." Sure enough, there was Mokuba with a full-grown, orange and white tabby in his arms. The cat's  
  
upper body was in his arms, while her bottom half touched the floor. The cat looked around and glared at the crowd as if to say 'Make this psychotic kid let go of me.' The room was laughing at the sight, so the cat's glare became a 'Stop laughing and make this psychotic kid let go of me, damn you' glare. She meowed as if to say "Help." "Mokuba," Bluefire said, while trying not to laugh. "I think it's time for Rita's snack, so just hand her to me and I'll feed her. Could somebody open up a tuna can or something?" "I've got it." Aisling replied, going into the kitchen. Bluefire then kneeled in front of Mokuba and said "You want to pet her on her head? Be gentle, okay?" Mokuba nodded and started to pet her, before he asked "Can I get a cat, Seto?" "We already have Aisling's psychotic cat." "Oh, Rita's a sweetie." Bluefire told him, while Mokuba petted her. Rita, meanwhile, nudged Mokuba's hand to get him to keep petting her. "I think you have a new friend, kid." Bluefire said with amusement, before Rita squirmed  
  
out of Bluefire's arms and ran to the kitchen. "Oh, Mokuba. I got you something. Five somethings, to be a little more precise. The first one is in my purse." She reached into her purse and produced a paper. "You're now a member of the NRA. But, you can't use it until you're 21 at least." "What's that?" Mokuba  
  
asked, taking the paper. "National Rifle Association. It's an American foundation-type thing that involves guns." "BLUEFIRE!" "What? I thought it would be funny. Besides, he seems to like it. I got him something besides that, so don't worry. And don't bother trying to rip it up. It's laminated and I've got plenty of copies." "I know that, but that's not a good present  
  
for innocent children." he hissed, nodding in Mokuba's direction. "Uh, Seto?" Aisling replied. "That 'innocent' little kid just swiped your wallet." "What?!" Seto spun around, only to see 'innocent' little Mokuba throwing Seto's wallet in the middle of the street. Seto stalked off to retrieve his  
  
wallet, and Mokuba ran up. "Can I have the pixy sticks now, Joey? You said you'd give it to me if I got rid of Seto's wallet." Mokuba said, tugging at his shirt. "Well.that wasn't  
  
what I had in mind, exactly...but here." Joey pulled the pixy stix of his bag and handed it to Mokuba just as Seto walked up. "YOU STUPID CHIUAHUA! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!! YOU CAN'T BRIBE UNDER-AGE CHILDREN IN THIS COUNTRY!!!!" He yelled. Aisling grabbed her brother's ear and yanked as she dragged him to the bathroom. Bluefire shrugged and set the bags down. She held onto the leash, when she heard Grizzily growling. Looking around, she found out what was going on. Grizzily growled at Bakura, obviously angry at him for some reason. "I don't understand it." Yugi said as Bluefire strained to hold the leash. "Grizzily was very nice to everyone, especially  
  
Ryou, but he seems to hate Bakura." "Well, I guess that Grizzily doesn't trust him much. He rarely acts like that unless he feels a person shouldn't  
  
be trusted." Bluefire grunted at the efforts to hold the angry dog that was  
  
currently barking his head off and growling. Bakura smirked and approached the dog. "You want to fight me?" Bark, growl, bark, lunge. "Do you want to bite my head off, mortal dog? I'll send you to the Shadow Realm." Grizzily lunged at him, barking and growling. Bluefire grunted with the effort of trying to keep him back. She was losing grip and tried to get someone to help her. All of a sudden, she fell on her back and was forced to let go, falling into Yami. Grizzily ran behind him and bit him on the butt as hard as he could. He yelped in pain. He cursed as the dog started chasing him, barking and snapping at him. "BAD DOG! BAD DOG! DOWN!" Yami and Malik helped her up as Bakura ran away. After a few minutes, Bakura leapt up into a tree, climbing up into the highest branches. Grizzily started trying to get up into the tree, jumping up and barking at him. Bakura smirked, thinking he had finally outwitted the dog.  
  
"Who made it in the tree, dog? WHO MADE IT IN THE TREE? That's right! That's right! You can't climb! You don't know what time it is! Get over here! How do you like that?! HAHA!" he taunted. Grizzily's ears went back and his eyes narrowed. He lifted his leg and peed on the tree. "Oh that's cold," Bakura remarked as the dog trotted away. "Yeah, that's right! Go back inside! This  
  
isn't over yet! This is only round one! You're going to wish you'd never met me, you mutt!" Grizzily trotted over to Bluefire and licked at the scrapes on her wrists and palms as Yami locked Bakura outside. Bluefire walked outside  
  
to get the rest, Yami close behind. "How long do you think he'll be out there?" Ryou asked. "As long as it takes Grizzily to get bored." "And how long is that?" "I don't know. Let's ask Bluefire when she comes inside." Bluefire came in shortly after carrying two bags. Yami only had one bag and opened the door for her. "Thank you. And, don't worry. I got everyone else something, too." "Bluefire, how long does it take the dog to get bored and stop trying to chase something?" "I think he got bored with it just now. Though if Kura wants to keep all his limbs, he should stay out there for at least half an hour." "Oh." Um, Bluefire?" Ryou said. "Your dog wants to go back outside. I think he has to go." Bluefire nodded and let the dog out. After a few minutes, he ran back inside and Yami locked the door on him. Bakura climbed down and yelled when he was on the ground. "UGH! I STEPPED IN DOG SHIT! BLUEFIRE! YOUR DOG DELIBERATELY SHIT AS I WAS COMING DOWN! I'M GOING TO KILL THAT DOG!" "YOU TRY ANYTHING ON HIM AND GRIZZILY'LL BITE YOUR BALLS OFF!" Bluefire yelled outside. The group laughed when she yelled that. "Big brother." Mokuba asked with an innocent look in his gray eyes. "What does 'bite your balls off' mean?" 


	4. Delusions of Innocence

Aisling started laughing at her little brother's innocent remark. She couldn't help but wonder how Seto was planning to talk his way out of this one. She made an "eep!" noise as he glared at her for a moment, his face turning bright red as he turned to Mokuba. "I'll tell you when you're older, kiddo," he said, his patience seeming  
  
forced. Bluefire rolled her eyes at him. "Oh come on, Seto. The kid's gonna find out anyway. If you don't tell him, I will," she said. "BLUEFIRE! DON'T YOU DARE!" he yelled. Ryou sweatdropped. "I'm not even going to get involved in this," he muttered from where he stood beside Aisling. "Seto, you're no fun at all," Aisling told her brother, hiding a smirk behind her pale hand. "Aisling, don't you dare start that again," he growled.  
  
Bluefire smirked with amusement, before she said "Mokuba, come here." Mokuba nodded and walked over. Bluefire kneeled down and whispered something in his ear. "BLUEFIRE, YOU BETTER NOT BE CORRUPTING MOKUBA ANY FUTHER THAN YOU HAVE ALREADY!" he yelled. Mokuba snickered and asked "So that was what you meant?" Bluefire nodded and this sent Mokuba into a fit of giggles. "You told him, didn't you?" Seto asked. Bluefire nodded. "BLUEFIRE!" "What? You wouldn't tell him and he wanted to know. So, I took the liberty of telling him." "I said I was going to tell him when he was older." "But you'd have forgotten by then." "Exactly." Bluefire rolled her eyes at him. "Whatever. You're slacking on your big brother duties, Seto. I'm expanding his mind." she said. "You're teaching him to curse and insult people that make him angry. Do you know what his teacher told me last week?" "No. What?" "He called a kid that cut in front of him at the water fountain a 'motherfucker.'" He covered Mokuba's ears so he wouldn't pick it up. "Now, where do you think he got that?" "I don't know." Bluefire  
  
replied innocently. "Bakura's an even worse pottymouth than me." "He heard you call someone you beat up that. Besides, that's an American term." "How do you know that?" "I saw an American movie where they said that." "But he *is* a motherfucker. Isn't he, Yugi?" "He is. Though that's not exactly the term I would use." "See? Besides, he started it. If he didn't want me to kick his sorry ass, he should have left me alone." "Watch your mouth. He called another kid a 'skanky bitch.'" Covering Mokuba's ears again so he wouldn't pick it up. "I was watching Austin Powers 2. He was in the room and he wanted to know what Scott Evil said to the KKK guy. So I told him." "He said that when a kid kept begging." "I told him 'Get your own lunch, you skanky bitch.'" Mokuba told them innocently. The group laughed and Bluefire  
  
clapped. "You'll get the other stuff, soon as I unpack. Now, Seto. Why cover the kid's ears? He already swears as it is." "I'm trying to prevent him from cursing any further." "Well, it's pointless. Mokuba, why don't you help me unpack? I need to find my way to my room, anyway." "Okay." Mokuba nodded. He turned blue as he strained to pick up a suitcase. "Bluefire, what do you have in here, rocks? This weighs a goddamn ton!" "MOKUBA!!" "Damn, Seto. Calm down." Mokuba said. "Yeah, dude. Don't burst a blood vessel. Um, Mokuba?" Bluefire turned to the kid. "Why don't you try this?" She gave him a red leather box. The cute black-haired boy lifted it with success. "That's better, huh?" Mokuba nodded. "Okay." Bluefire said as she lifted the bag that Mokuba tried to lift. "Lead the way, Mokuba." Mokuba nodded and walked away, Bluefire close behind. "Aisling, you should have shown her to her room." "Why?" "Because. What if she teaches the kid another swear?" "It's no big deal. He probably would have heard them by the time he was in high school. Besides, he got 'damn' and 'hell' from you." "But he got more severe ones from your friend." Just then, Mokuba ran from the room, holding a boxed video set of- "SOUTH PARK?! BLUEFIRE!" "DON'T WORRY! I GOT ALL YA ALL SOMETHING, TOO!" Bluefire yelled across the mansion. She came out of the room holding some gifts. "For Baku-chan and Marik..." Bluefire gave Bakura a book and gave another one to Marik. They saw that they got anger management books, both of which said  
  
"Anger and You: Take Control." The both of them growled in annoyance, while  
  
everyone else laughed. 


	5. The Unwelcome Guest

Just then, Grizzily barked again. "Did you invite any other guests, Aisling?" Aisling shook her head. "No. Why?" "Because Grizzily only barks like that if someone's at the door for three seconds or over." Almost immediately, the doorbell rang. "You want I should answer?" Bluefire asked.  
  
"No, it's okay. I've got it," Aisling said, walking over to the door. She opened it, and her jaw fell to the floor in total shock. There in the doorway stood one of her worst nightmares, and not Marik, either. It was Duke Devlin and his bunch of groupies. Her blue eyes narrowed, flashing dangerously when she saw their suitcases. "Hello, Duke," she said with forced cheerfulness. "What brings you here?" /Iris, get out here, now!/ He smirked, moving just a bit too close to her. Aisling took a step back, ready to slam the door in his face, but he blocked it with his foot. She was tempted to shut his foot in the door just for the fun of it. "I wanted to see you again, is that a crime?" he said, all but purring like a cat. Yes, she thought to herself, but didn't voice it. Instead she glanced at the other three girls standing in the doorway with him. "What are they doing here, then?" she asked, becoming severely annoyed. For a moment, she toyed with the notion of letting Bakura loose on them, but thought better of it. "Hey, Aisling, what's going-you! ARGH! I thought we'd gotten rid of you!" Yami yelled as he came up behind Aisling. "Not a chance, not with this lovely lady around," Duke said, ignoring the look of disgust on Aisling's face. "UGH! How many times do I have to tell you, Dice-boy?! I'm taken, and I have no interest in you!" she screeched. "You're just in denial. You know you want me-well, well. What have we here?" he said, noticing Bluefire for the first time. Bluefire rolled her eyes. "Don't even think about it," she said coldly. Duke and his cheerleaders pushed their way past Aisling and Yami, barging into the mansion like they thought they owned the place. Aisling made a strangling motion, her eyes wild. Duke walked over to Bluefire and took her hand, kissing it. She glared at him in disgust, pulling away and wiping her  
  
hand on her skirt, trying to rid any traces of him from her. "I don't believe we've been introduced. I'm Duke Devlin, who might you be?" he said smoothly. "The name's Bluefire, and you'd better get away from me right now, and take your groupies with you, because I am a redbelt, and I will beat the shit out of you," she snapped. "A girl with fire, I like that," Duke said. Becoming really annoyed now, Bluefire pulled out her trusty flamethrower from out of nowhere and brandished it at him, letting a little  
  
bit of fire burst from the nozzle. A huge sweatdrop formed at Duke's head as he took a step back and glanced back at Aisling. "Is she always like this?" he asked. Aisling shook her head, a devious grin on her face now. "No, she's not. She's just like this towards people she doesn't like. She doesn't like  
  
you, in fact, she can't stand you," Aisling answered. "What's her problem with me?" Duke asked, looking offended. Aisling shrugged. "Actually, Dice-boy, I don't like you either." Duke looked even more offended, if that was even humanly possible. But then again, maybe he *wasn't* entirely human. Aisling pushed that thought out of her mind, and gave him an innocent look. "What the hell is your problem with me?" he demanded. His groupies voiced their agreement, though it seemed that the blonde was a bit jealous that Duke was turning his attentions to another girl. "Do you want the whole list? Okay. You're rude, insensitive, arrogant, a baka, you've got your head shoved so far up your ass it's pathetic, and you accused Yami of cheating at Duelist Kingdom. Actually, that's a big one on Bluefire's list too, because she has the hots for him," Aisling answered innocently, offering another shrug. "AISLING!" Bluefire screeched, horrified that her friend had said that to Duke. "What? It's true. You know you two like each other, even though you're both just too stubborn to admit it," she said casually--just a little *too*  
  
casually. "Well, you didn't have to tell *him* that!" Bluefire hissed, glaring  
  
at her partner-in-crime. Aisling blushed, a sweatdrop forming at her head. "Oops. Sorry about  
  
that," she whimpered, giving her friend her sad chibi eyes. "Aisling, that doesn't work on me, you know that," Bluefire replied. "Kuso! Well, you can't blame me for trying," she said. "You and the baka Pharaoh? What's he got that I don't?" Duke asked. "What's he got that you don't? Well, let's see," Bluefire replied curtly. "He's a nice guy. He doesn't need to cheat, he's cute, he's nice, he'll help me, unlike you, he's not a sleazeball and unlike you, he's a gentleman." Yami blushed slightly, and Aisling started laughing at the irritated look on Duke's face. He looked like a wounded puppy, really, although Aisling wouldn't have insulted a dog that way. "Oh, harsh! I guess she told you, Devlin. Now why don't you take your little loser brigade over there and leave? Or do I have to let the tomb robbers loose on you?" "Yes. Go." Bluefire added. "Before my flames find you." She brandished it at him again, letting a little bit of fire burst from the nozzle as she spoke. "Be nice to me." Duke purred. Bluefire growled and aimed at him with the flamethrower. She walked to her room. Duke moved to follow her, but Yami growled and grabbed him by the vest. "Don't even think about it." He snarled at him. "What?" "You were going to follow her."  
  
Bluefire came back out with three duffel bags. "Ho, ho ho! Merry Christmas, happy Hanukah, happy Kwanza and Feliz Navidad!" Bluefire reached into the bag and said "For Mokuba, a BB gun." Bluefire handed a BB gun case. "BLUEFIRE!" "What? Anyway, here ya go, kid. Some Eminem CDs." Seto was positively red with anger, so Bluefire added "Don't worry, Seto. I got you something, too." She handed him a joke book, causing more laughs. "And for Isis..." Bluefire handed her a gun. "A 45 pistol, in case of a robbery at your museum or something." "Thank you." Isis replied. "And a gun manual." Bluefire handed her a manual. "Again, thank you." Bluefire nodded. "For Malik. I hope you like silver." Bluefire gave him a plastic bag. "Thanks!" Malik jumped up and down, before hugging her. "Okay, you're welcome. Now, for Mai..." Bluefire took out a large, purple make-up train. "But mine is red, not to be confused. Now, I got something for Ryou and Yugi that might come in handy against bullies." Bluefire reached in and pulled out- "Pepper spray, mace and a stun gun for each of you. For self-defense, of course. Oh, Malik. I got you something else." She got out a DVD of the movie Austin Powers in Goldmember. The Ishtars stared and laughed. "Oh and this is for Mokuba." Bluefire took out a boxed set of Sailor Moon DVDs and a compact DVD player. "I have my own in my room. And for Aisling..." Bluefire took out a set of Outlaw Star DVDs and handed them to her. "Again, I have some of my own, because those damn tapes are getting on my nerves, so this is every episode. And not the tacky Cartoon Network things, either. I have that same set, too. And also for Yugi..." Bluefire took out a boxed set of Lord of The Rings books, as well as books by J. R. R. Tolkien. "I figured you might like that. For Yami..." Bluefire gave him a few game systems, a lot of video games, a brush, hair gel, hair spray and a palm pilot. "Is that supposed to mean something?" Yami said, holding up the hair products. "Not really. I just think you'd look really hot with your hair slicked back- oops." Bluefire realized what she said and blushed. 


End file.
